It’s been a few weeks, hasn’t it? When I last posted, I was
once again on my way to California to spend time with my Nana throughout the
final days of her life. Four weeks later, I’m back in DC missing her,
remembering her and loving her as I always will no matter how much time goes
by.
A strong-willed fighter right to the very end, Nana stayed
with us nearly a full two weeks longer than even her nurses and doctors ever
thought possible. This included several entirely unexpected days during which
she was frequently alert and able to communicate, never hesitating to let us
know how much she loved us and that she understood we were there beside her, giving
her all the affection and care we could, just as she had always done for us each and every day of her life.
Without a doubt, the past few weeks and months have changed me as a person, forcing me to grow in ways I never imagined. In doing what little I could to help care for Nana, I learned that one of the hardest parts of watching someone you love battle a terminal illness is accepting that no matter what you do, it is never enough. Yes, you can try your best to control the pain and offer temporary comfort, but the disease is still ultimately more powerful, and your efforts incredibly limited.

Although there were definitely times I couldn't help breaking down, I also managed to maintain my composure during several especially difficult moments,
including the morning of Oct. 9, when Nana passed away at home with my grandfather, uncle and I there to care for her. Never having lost someone extremely
close to me before, I fully expected to have an impossible time
coping with her death and the events that followed, but every step of the way, I felt as if I had her strength inside of me and her
spirit in my heart, pushing me forward and helping me to stay strong in spite
of the grief and sadness I felt.
Now, as I begin easing back into my daily routine, I’m looking
forward to carrying on with the things I love, just as I know she would want me to do. These include focusing on my writing, taking in the height of the fall season here on the East Coast, and planning for future adventures that will allow me to keep living a positive life while at the same time keeping her memory alive.
What have the past several weeks been like for you? I missed reading your blogs during my time away, and I thank you all tremendously for your heartfelt messages of love and support. I'll be back with some new posts and blog updates beginning this Friday, so stay tuned. Until then, I wish you each a positive, love-filled week!